The Fix-a-Flat Conundrum: Tire Repair In a Can
By Michael Karl Witzel ©2007-2008
Remember when gas stations fixed flat tires for just a few bucks? Sure, it seems like a time long ago, but it did happen. Long before the advent of self-service, high-volume gas pumpers and the corner convenience store, filling stations were outfitted with one or two garage bays. Around the clock, they welcomed repair work. Between pumping gas, wiping windows, and checking the oil, mechanics performed the duties that were necessary to keep motorists going.
Today, that misty, nostalgic scene worthy of a Norman Rockwell painting has faded away like so much old canvas. Most of the roadside refueling stations that used to feature repair facilities have long since vanished. Like it or not, the mom-and-pop fix-it shop is no more. The discount tire shop, major department store, and franchised automotive parts warehouse have assumed the once noble task of fixing up our broken-down flivver.
As a rather unfortunate consequence, the time and effort it now takes to get a minor mechanical problem repaired has increased. Consumers are regularly confronted with a scheduled service backlog as long as a week. Walk-in requests are ill-advised, and appointments must be arranged in advance.
These days, waiting rooms are equipped with television screens and packed full with sullen customers who fidget nervously in uncomfortable plastic chairs. While waiting for their little GTO to come out of surgery, they have no choice but to peruse the pages of People magazine.
For the automobile owner plagued with a “minor” mechanical problem such as a flat or leaky tire, these conditions are intolerable. It’s simply not worth it to sit around all day waiting for one’s tire to be plugged up. At the same time, most deflated rubber isencountered far from civilization—making it impossible to even get to the nearest strip mall and the “services” found there.
For these reasons, the remaining American service stations (with garages) are the businesses most often recruited for repairing flat tires. Unfortunately, most of the survivors have become rather choosy, and are often reluctant to take on such an unglamorous task. Their time is better spent pumping overtaxed gasoline, installing overpriced batteries, disposing of ozone-depleting freon, and recycling discarded drums of oil and radiator coolant. When that rare station agreeable to the task is located, the cost of parts and “labor” is almost always outrageous.
The latest trend toward bilking the motorist is the added surcharge that some gas stations are now tacking on for using one of the most evil substances devised by man: It’s called Fix-a-Flat.
For those car owners unschooled in spur-of-the-moment repair, Fix-a-Flat is a pressurized sealant-in-a-can that has saved many a commuter from trouble and delivered them safely to the nearest garage. It’s great stuff! A convenient way to temporarily repair a leak in a tire while in transit, it has risen from obscurity to become both a boon to the car owner and a bane to the modern service station. Despite its tremendous utility, station owners, mechanics, attendants, and even junkyard dogs recoil at the mere mention of it.
If the dreaded substance is found to be gunking up the interior of your tire (or tires), most mechanics will think nothing of adding an additional surcharge to complete the repair. In most cases, that extra payment amounts to at least $10! The reason? According to one branded station recently patronized by this columnist, Fix-a-Flat is a highly flammable and hazardous substance (on the container, its manufacturer states exactly the opposite).
Since a horrendous explosion might very well result when the tire is disengaged from the rim (or so they claim), repairing a tread that’s been treated as such is viewed by repair garages as a dangerous task. When the lethal goo is found to be lurking inside a tire, eyes roll skyward as great moans emanate from the garage bays.
So … whatever you do, the next time you’re stuck on a lonely country road and find yourself plagued by a flat tire, forget about using the can of Fix-a-Flat stashed away in your trunk. Keep the words of your local car-care professional in mind: “Whatever you do, don’t ever, ever, use that stuff again!”
Instead, take the time to dig out that grimy old spare and the jack that came along with it. Remember? It’s that tiny doughnut buried at the bottom of your trunk. Turn adversity into opportunity and relearn the wonders of dismounting a rim. Get down on your knees, jack up the car, and loosen those bolts. Get dirty and revel in the adventure of it all! Not only will Mr. Goodwrench thank you, but so will your wallet.
Meanwhile, you won’t see me stranded on the shoulder. I’ll be rockin’ down the highway with the pedal to the metal … my tires riddled with nails, screws, and other road hazards—pumped up to their maximum pressure and filled to the brim with that sticky, gooey stuff called Fix-a-flat, the motorist’s lifesaver that oozes from a bright yellow can.
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